THIS IS BETTER THAN CAMPING!!

"...actually Clara, this is camping..."

I'm pretty sure this trip was worth it...

...after listening to Rusted Root on the highway passing through Spanish Fork.
...after embarrassing stories...
...after telling a whole story without the word "like" -20 minutes later-

...after snacking on crackers and cheese.

...after standing on the edge of a cliff in the pitch dark, imagining how incredible the view is suppose to be.
...after having a cuddle puddle in the middle of a deserted gas station's parking lot.

...after finding firewood in the middle of the desert.
...after determining what's figurative and what's literal.
...after going to the bathroom behind tumble weed.

...after a colorful variety of conversation topics because talking about anything becomes socially acceptable when camping.

...after rolling out a sleeping bag under the stars.
...after a contagious fit of laughter over a great idea.
...after switching sleeping bags.

...after squeezing through a slot canyon.

...after rolling down a sand dune.

...after packing for a vacation...

...after getting lost in the middle of the afternoon.
...after asking repeatedly, "who's winning?"

...after walking across an arch.
...after realizing that it doesn't matter what we do, as long as we do something naked.
...after learning that "roommate" is only one word.

...after having a panic attack in an underground cave.

...after being covered in glowstick goo.

...after befriending an elephant.

a trip that resulted in a malfunctioning camera and a album of priceless photos.

Sometimes it's good to just give yourself a vacation, call it a Spring Break. Turn off your cell phone, breathe some fresh air, and experience the world around you.
It was better than camping.

Elephants and Peanuts.

The best way to coax an elephant out of the room: peanuts. I mean there's no sense in soffocating under such a large animal. Unless the elephant sits and eats your snack, then he'll just get fatter.

Perfect TIme

After months of the constant inner turmoil of decision making, pressured by ex boyfriends, inspired by best friends, and being jealous of freshman, I did it. I decided. I decided that I wanted to serve as a full time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I decided I wanted to share a name tag with JESUS CHRIST, to bear my testimony and I wasn't planning on doing this for anyone else but Him. I thought long and hard about my decision, prayed everyday. I literally cried, "what do you want me to do?!" and I feel like Heavenly Father lovingly chuckled at me and answered, "you get to chose my child". And so I chose. Sometimes we make choices in our lives. Sometimes we make sacrifices for the things that mean the most to us, not because we have to, not because we should, not because we feel obligated to, but because we want to. So I will sacrifice myself for a year and a half, sacrifice a summer job, being here for all my buddies' homecoming, calling my family on a regular basis, listening to my favorite bands, snowboarding, rock climbing, playing sports. I will give up any opportunity that I might have had, because I know that He’s not going to let me miss anything that I’m suppose to have. I will not be deprived of blessings or experiences because I’ve decided to go serve a mission.

I wasn't quite sure how it was all going to work out, but I moved forward anyways. I started getting up at 7 am, crawling out of my bed with my blankets wrapped around me, finding a key under my doormat, shuffling next door in my moccasins to read scriptures with Cecilly. I went to the doctors too many times in two weeks, disclosed all personal information from blisters on my feet to my proficiency in the French language, and then turned my future over my Bishop, Stake President, the Quorum of the 12, and the Lord. Cecilly and I held hands through the entire process (figuratively, not literally because we all know she won't let me hold her hand). But we took each step together; talked through every uncertainty and all the excitement. Wednesday February 8, 2012 we each met with the Stake President and officially submitted our mission papers. Two weeks later, early afternoon, I was at work when Cecilly g-chatted me. "Clara" she said, "it's here". I panicked!! I had 2 hours left in my shift, and I was dying. If Cecilly's call had come, I was certain mine would be there too. I rushed home after work. I would have run, but everyone knows that running with a backpack is awkward. Cecilly met me on the way and escorted me to my mailbox. My hand was shaking as I turned the key. I could barely catch my breath, and I felt sick to my stomach. I slowly opened the door to find...nothing. Just Macey ads …and more macey ads?

With one more week on the horizon, and possibly more, I cursed the doubts I had of not being ready. But that week gave me the chance to watch the beautiful moment when my best friend opened her call, that moment I wouldn’t have traded for anything. Even among the hooting and hollering of the slightly chaotic and excited crowd of spectators, the Spirit was so strong, and I think everyone in that room felt what I felt; felt how right it was and how much of an incredible missionary that girl is going to be. I think about how much she has changed my life in this past year and a half. Now she’s on to the next year and a half, and I think about the remarkable change she will continue to influence, in my life and in the lives of the Honduran people.

Luckily, I only had one more week of suspense. The next Wednesday afternoon turned into a stake out by the mailbox (until I fell asleep on Cecilly couch that is…) I was exhausted because I may or may not have chased a few mail men down the street. Testing my patience, the mail didn’t arrive until after five, but I was certain today was the day. Infamous white envelope in hand, I threw my toothbrush in my backpack and we took off in a storm. My heart was racing, and I don’t remember anything but the smile and squeals, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe.

Half way up to Heber I realized, I FORGOT TO CALL MY MOTHER! And I frantically dialed before I hit the dead-zone in the canyon. No answer. Cecilly and I laughed at the irony, only the most important moment of my life right now and my mother was AWOL.

I finally got her on speaker-phone, placed my envelope next to the phone on the table, my second family surrounding me. My fingers shook as tore the envelope open. I slipped out the papers, and quickly places my hands over the words. Revealing one line at a time, my voice caught in my throat as I read, “Dear Sister Compare, You are hereby called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the…” I stopped and stared at the next word, almost unsure of how to pronounce it. “Adriatic North Mission” WHAT?! like the Adriatic Sea, Cecilly whispered.

“It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months. You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, July 18, 2012. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the Croatian language.” I didn’t stop, I just kept on reading, reading that I would be an official representative of the Church, that my purpose was to invite others to come unto Christ, and I would be blessed with more happiness than I have yet received if I served with all my heart, might, and strength. And finally, “Sincerely, Thomas S. Monson”. I couldn’t imagine being happier than I was at that instant.

It was the most surreal moment of my life. And that might be the only way to describe it, because it still doesn’t feel real. I had pictured myself all over the world, thought South America was more than likely, Africa was unrealistic, Kansas City was my best guess, and I had braced myself for Japanese, but no one ever guessed Europe. And in that moment that it was found out that I was going to Eastern Europe, the automatic response was, “wow, that is perfect for you”. And it’s true, although the last place I ever would have thought of, I know with every fiber of my heart that that is exactly where the Lord wants me.

The Adriatic North Mission, including Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, and Serbia, isn’t one you hear everyday, and so we immediately gathered around the computer and typed it into the Google search bar. The second entry on the page was this: http://ldschurchgrowth.blogspot.com/2012/02/mission-realignment-in-southeastern.html

I was speechless when I read it. Just that week prior, that week when I was disappointedly shutting my mailbox and wondering whyyyyyyyy whyyyyy why do I have to wait longer?!?! The Elder of the Church were busy realigning Eastern Europe and created The Adriatic North and South Missions. Three new countries were opened: Bosnia & Herzegovina, Montenegro, and Macedonia, and at that point the entire European continent was now open to the Church. I still don’t know what to say, I still get chills when I think about the timing of it all.

And so here is to timing, because nothing in my life has ever worked out just as I planned it would, and yet everything has happened at the perfect time, as long as I look at it with the right perspective. Never again will I doubt the Lord’s plan for me, and never again will I question his timing. I’m not even going to question the fact that I have to wait until July 18^th to leave when my availability was May 1^st. There is a reason that I am here for another 5 months. I couldn’t be more excited about my mission, I couldn’t be happier about my decision to serve, but I’m not going to check out early. If the Lord wants me here for another 5 months, then I will be here for another 5 months.

February 14th

Being single on Valentines Day has been socially dubbed as "pathetic". Another year, and yes, I'm single on Valentines Day. Now, your picturing me home alone in my apartment, in sweats, eating cookie dough straight up with my tub of ice cream, box of chocolates I bought myself, watching chick flicks and quietly crying to myself in my humiliation. false.

I'm more than happy to be single on Valentines day. I've actually never felt happier. Even without a boyfriend, it still looks like cupid threw up in my bedroom; balloons, flowers, chocolates, candies, stuffed animals, cards, not much room for anything else with all that love in there. But even besides all the people that bought into the Hallmark Valentines day, I am proud to be single. Being single doesn't make me feel incomplete or inadequate. Instead, I am single because I stood up for myself when I wasn't treated right. I am strong and independent (as cheesy as that sounds right now). I value myself to not settle for anything less than what I deserve; I believe I do deserve more than that how I've been treated in the past. and that's something to celebrate too.

Valentines Day is really just about love. Love from a significant other, love from family, love from friends, love from roommates, love from yourself. So buy candies, cards, and flowers and tell all those people in your life how much you love them, just don't forget to say "I love you" on the other 364 days.

Motives.

I'm a nerd. Which you can't tell by looking at my transcripts, because straight B's does not equal nerd, and you don't have to be a math major to figure that one out. I'm a nerd because I laugh while reading my text books, I get ahead of my homework when I see a major test in the near future, I get excited when I learn how to send print jobs from my personal computer because it makes me feel tech-savvy, I joyfully check things off my to-do list, and discuss the most recent response paper I wrote as I jog home from the gym. Yep, I have nerd written all over me. I even blog in the evenings- and if that doesn't say nerd, I don't know what does. just kidding. I love to learn, and I love that everything I learn makes me a better person, and who would have thought? Who would have thought that I would find the answer to my life problems and perhaps an answer to my prayers in my Political Science class! Of the many Poli Sci classes I am in, I love my U.S. Foreign Policy. This is what I learned this week:

We are in the middle of studying morality, yes in terms of war. Can war ever be moral? Can it be justified? We learned a lot of different theories about morality, from realism, skepticism and state moralism, to idealism, pacifism and just war theory. We then began to analyze the first Persian Gulf War. Without getting into too much of a controversial debate here or taking sides, the professor posed the question, was the war just? Did the U.S. government justify their motives for going into the war? Yes, the United States believed, more or less, according to Just War Theory, it was justified in fighting in Iraq, that it had a moral cause. It was then pointed out that the U.S. was also very economically interested in the area, as Kuwait is a major oil producer, and the U.S. was motived by that too. True. But does that negate the moral justification for entering the war? Could the U.S. be motived by both moral and personal reasons? Exactly, sometimes it's impossible to separate motives. It wasn't until two hours after class that it hit me how powerful this realization was. Let's step away from the Iraq war controversy and learn that mixed motives are still moral. So that means, maybe we have more than one reason for doing something, one is selfless and one is personally beneficial; perhaps there's even more than two. What do you do in that situation? You do it. It's not wrong to have more than one motive. Maybe having one sometimes just isn't enough. Now, stop questioning yourself; you'll know if you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

Midnight Rambles

They say you learn something new everyday. Well...I don't know about everyday single day, but I've been learning a lot of things lately.

I learned that my blood type is O+ which makes me a "universal donor". Why? Because there are 4 types of blood. A, B, AB, and O. Type A blood contains anti-bodies to type B. Type B blood contains anti-bodies to type A. Type O blood has antibodies for both A and B. AB doesn't have anti-bodies for type A or type B, making people with type AB blood, "universal recipients. Interesting huh? Although I have no idea what the positive and negative sign means.

I also learned that the security document which implemented U.S. military build up during the Cold War, which lead to the militarization of the Cold War was entitled NSC-68, not 86. And simultaneously learned that I might be slightly dyslexic.

I learned that pasts are inescapable. We may move on from them, learn from them, grow from them, heal from them, even go as far as almost forgetting them. Your past will never let you completely forget it. But, they will always be there. They will always have an effect on you- for better or for worse. Maybe that's all a lesson I've learned in acceptance. Things are the way they are, so I need to learn to appreciate the growth and healing and no longer be afraid.

I learned that there is opposition in all things. Whether it be cars broken down on the side of the road, miscommunications, pains, cancellations, lost mail, or just uncertainty. The things that are the most important and that mean the most are the hardest sometimes to obtain. But if you can smile through the opposition, if you can jump through the extra hoops, even if a little less gracefully, ultimately nothing can stop you.

I learned from my political philosophy class that, ‎"Everything can't submit to reason, not everything has to. Sometimes just being right is reason enough" and I totally agree. Some people call me illogical. They tell me that my reasoning doesn't make sense. Well, sometimes I don't need to follow reason, because I follow my heart.

I learned that my body actually does need sleep, and that it takes over a week to recover from staying up until 4:30 in the morning.

I learned that people come and go all the time. Their significance in your story may not depend on the amount of time they spend with you. Everyone comes in to your life for a reason, and sometimes once they've made their impact, once they've taught you what you needed to know, changed you into what you needed to be, they leave. I still struggle with understanding why they always have to leave, but I am forever grateful for them having been there.

I also learned that we all really just need to say how we feel and what we're thinking. If you keep it all in, no one is ever going to know. Communication is everything. Honestly and honesty.

I learned that sometimes we have to take the first step before we'll find out if we're stepping in the right direction.

Charity.

Charity...

is love.

is redeeming.

is relieving the oppressed.

is pleading for others.

is giving to the poor.

is giving what you have.

is motivation.

is caring.

is loving even your enemies.

is kind

edifieth.

suffereth long.

is persuasion.

can be put on.

is pure religion.

is undefiled.

comes with a pure heart.

abideth with faith and hope.

is brotherly kindness.

is something all me should have.

is succoring those in need.

needs to be remembered.

is everlasting.

is filling.

saves.

is helping others.

is lifting other's burdens.

is righteousness.

come from the Holy Ghost.

is humility.

is temperance.

is meekness.

is gentleness.

is genuine.

is the pure love of Christ.