Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Things to Say

Goodbyes are hard.  Mostly because at that moment you feel the need to say something, profound, important, memorable.  But some things are hard to say, and how do you fit into to one potentially final moment everything that you feel, everything that you've ever wanted to say, anything that you haven't? At that very pivotal moment, with those words at the very tip of my tongue, I suddenly feel vulnerable, and I've caught my breath and left things unsaid.
So, this is everything I should have said:
I should have said goodbye.
I should have told you how much you mean to me.
I should have said, I'm sorry.
I should have told you that I love having you as a best friend, love the way you make my laugh, and let me be me.
I should have told you how happy I am for you.
I should have said, don't marry her.
I should have told you that you put my life into perspective and helped me see the world differently.
I should have told you that you taught me so much.
I should have told you how proud I am of you.
I should have told you how much you hurt me.
I should have told you that you made me feel safe.
I should have told you I would have stayed if you asked me to.
I should have told you that I trust you.
I should have told you that I admire you and everything that you do.
I should have told you that you inspired me to be better.
I should have told you that you helped me out of one of my lowest moments, I don't think you even know.
I should have told you that I appreciate you.
I should have said, thank you. for everything.
I should have told you I wasn't fine.
I should have told you I miss you, how much I'm going to miss you.
I should have looked you in the eye and said, I love you because you changed my life.

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